So this is completely random and off topic but it was bouncing around in my head today. I’ll start by saying I love Taylor Swift but I am concerned with the messages shes bought into and is thus reciprocating.
Taylor Swift writes about love like she knows what its like and its a fairytale but somehow every breakup ends up on an album with strong negative emotions.
She hasnt found true love (yet). The way she writes the love songs makes it clear that shes built it up in her head to be this magical always happy thing. Real love HAS that, at times, but real love is not a never-ending state of bliss.
Sadly, I think she’s also completely building up each guy she dates in her head as they’re dating and that is where these STRONG emotions after 2 months of dating comes from. Many girls do it but dont realize it.
She’s set herself up for disappointment and is taking young girls with her.
But who can blame her when this is what Disney and Nicholas Sparks has taught us? I certainly don’t blame her. I doubt she’s aware of it.
Like I said, real love is NOT a never-ending bliss bubble.
It’s more like a roller coaster with your best friend where there are no handlebars and faulty seatbelts. You hold on to each others hands and pray to God.
Thing is, real love is hard work. Two people who have emotions, fears, morals, opinions and points of view that don’t match perfectly (thats every 2 people!) are GOING to have rough patches. Some things you can’t fix overnight. Some choices are hard.
The essence of true love is a deep appreciation, love and respect for your best friend. You want the best for them and while they know how to frustrate the CRAP out of – you are committed to making it work NO MATTER how hard it gets. It will get hard. Sometimes it feels more like a decision than an emotion. That’s okay.
If you can be mature enough to not storm out when things get hard then you might make it. If you don’t let yourself find reasons to leave when you’re bored or its hard or not perfect – you’ll make it.
And it will be worth it.
So girls, I guess, here’s my short version of mistakes to avoid:
Don’t build him up in your head.
Don’t build up what it feels like to be in love in your head.
Don’t think he will change too drastically. Be realistic.
If he cheats – walk out. No exceptions.
Don’t be so serious about everything needing to be perfect. Or classy. Or traditional. Or whatever. Go with it – so long as it’s clearly not an unhealthy relatipnship.
Don’t be stupid or blind. If everyone is telling you something – dont assume they’re “jealous” – Listen.
Don’t be petty.
Be willing to compromise on things that aren’t vital.
If he’s pushing for more from you physically – walk out. No exceptions. If he really loves you he won’t care. He’ll be willing to wait.
In every circumstance, both sides need to see the other ones side and listen to their feelings about whatever issue. Find a compromise if its necessary. (Sometimes just airing and respecting each others feelings is all that’s needed.)
Love is not a fairytale. Its not perfect. It’s not happily ever after. It IS infinitely rewarding and beyond worth it. It is great.
Just….beware of thinking you’ll be in a bliss bubble the whole time.
Disclaimer: Bliss bubbles happen and can last for awhile but something will pop it and you have to work together to get it back. But you’ll get it back if you stick it out!